tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1212750979353934742012-03-15T15:55:59.807-04:00carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.comBlogger4351100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-27909993329753495092012-03-08T14:51:00.000-05:002012-03-08T14:51:36.918-05:00

I've been quite ill as of late; if you've been reading or checking in here regularly, you already know this.  I've been sick, really, since the start of February.  Finally the cold/virus/whatever the hell this was is starting to loosen its grip on me, but there's been other physical problems as of late that have been at the very least bothering me and sometimes outright scaring me.  Mainly it's

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-69190291519990716662012-02-28T20:49:00.001-05:002012-02-28T20:49:57.113-05:00

What does that mean, you might ask?  Well.... I noticed that my friend count had dropped on Eff-Bee, which doesn't really bother me too much as people add and drop all of the time.  I went ahead and looked... and yes, it was who I had thought.  It was the person that I had literally been obsessing over for years of my life... the same person who turned me inside out and upside down and fucked me

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-68762465318420579102012-02-15T00:24:00.001-05:002012-02-15T00:24:28.262-05:00

Mind you, that's not a complaint; on the contrary, I'm glad of it.  I do wonder idly sometimes if keeping this blog is a waste of time, though, as I really don't have much to say anymore - at least, not about the state of my mind.  I have nothing left to be depressed about, and while I have residual doubts about my life and the world around me, it's all ... I don't know if "dulled down" is the

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-74029523132086929792012-02-05T01:42:00.002-05:002012-02-05T01:42:49.727-05:00

Those so-called "physical problems" that I was referring to last week?  They've metastasized into a full-blown, nasty common cold that both Greg and I have unfortunately been hit with - just our luck.  Sigh.  So now I'm stuck in bed, alternately sweating and freezing to death.  It's very doubtful that I'll be going to work on Monday if I continue to feel like this.  For my sake, I hope not,

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-15059443650329248032012-01-27T11:25:00.001-05:002012-01-27T11:25:55.609-05:00

Recently, I've been suffering from increased physical problems -mainly GI stuff, digestion, that kind of thing - and I've come to theconclusion that I'm simply getting old and can't really just do what Iwant to do anymore, which sort of sucks. There's been lots of littlethings that have been a source of irritation as well, mainly the usual- work, school, etc.I woke up this morning to a very dark

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-50840833255519982222012-01-19T00:00:00.000-05:002012-01-27T23:45:58.526-05:00

Interesting fact:  Poe was found just before his death on the corner of East Lombard and South Exeter Streets in Jonestown, Baltimore.  My old apartment was on the very same corner. Today marks the anniversary of Edgar Allan Poe's birthday.  He's a special figure here in Baltimore, for obvious reasons, but even if I didn't live here, I would admit to believing that the man is a mad genius.  

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-34205237856680255052012-01-18T13:33:00.000-05:002012-01-27T23:35:54.517-05:00

....my whole idea was that I would make a protest, however silent, against the current SOPA/PIPA bill out there about Internet censorship.  And the ribbon's up, no doubt about that.  But my change of heart comes from 1.  not really having time other than this to update and 2. sadly, a belief that all of our efforts are truly fruitless - people are going to do what they want to do.  There'll

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-55924544886147140872012-01-10T13:29:00.001-05:002012-01-10T13:29:41.074-05:00

Ten days into the new year and I'm just getting around to posting; Imust be busy. And I have been, though I haven't been feelingparticularly well (physically). The usual colds, 24-hour bugs, thatkind of shit. Nothing major. Still, I'd like to see that pass asquickly as possible.Things are pretty much the same; it's getting "back to normal" afterwhat can only be termed a whirlwind holiday

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-26324349443806575642011-12-31T21:17:00.000-05:002012-01-27T23:48:26.435-05:00

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, here it comes:  the much-awaited "end of year" post.  Aren't you all just thrilled?  I know I am.  :p  2011 has been, for me, indescribable.  It's been a year where I have come quite far in a great deal of ways, and in a very short time. The best of 2011?  Two things have happened that I would qualify as fitting in this category, and that would be: The apparent

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-13458014853067042182011-12-25T00:05:00.002-05:002011-12-25T00:06:08.699-05:00

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-29164284045703250392011-12-21T09:32:00.000-05:002012-01-27T23:37:15.134-05:00

This is probably going to be a pretty insensitive post here, so be warned.  If you're offended at the end of it - well, too fuckin' bad, heh.  :p  Here goes. I have an acquaintance on Eff-Bee (I don't consider this person a "friend", because I've never met them in person and only know them from a forum we'd shared once long ago) that consistently and constantly complains about - well, everything

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-60020348189791911202011-12-20T06:44:00.001-05:002011-12-20T06:44:18.995-05:00

Lots on my mind recently, most of it good; but as always, contemplative.  I guess that since I'm in a much better emotional place these days, I seem to have a desire to re-examine my life in detail, dealing with painful events and situations as I can.  I am finding less hurt, but more apathy; some things that once held sway over my very being....just don't matter anymore.  I'm finding myself

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-9259948025678424322011-12-14T22:45:00.003-05:002011-12-14T22:47:04.013-05:00

I'm tired as hell, so I'm just stopping in to let everyone know that I'm still alive.  :p  I've found out a couple of things over the last week that have pissed me off to no end (it mainly involves the situation with Recent D-bag, heh), but in truth.... it's seriously just starting to not matter to me anymore.  There was a time where such news would have crippled me for weeks.  Today, I barely

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-83619718816394510392011-12-11T00:52:00.001-05:002011-12-11T01:40:59.249-05:00

I didn't feel much like doing the Saturday 9 this week, but then my entire mood has been just weird and... I guess a little "off", I suppose.  I still have my times where things just don't sit well with me, and this was one of them.  I've actually been upset over the smallest shit today, and that's bothered me immensely.  For example:  Greg and I made a grocery order online (something we usually

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-17939300857893117022011-12-03T01:24:00.000-05:002011-12-03T02:03:51.186-05:00

Ladies and gentlemen....since my health is now much better, I am proudly announcing the triumphant return of: I haven't done these kinds of things in a very long time.  It's nice to be able to focus on something other than my craziness for a switch!  :) 1. “Everybody lies. But it's alright because nobody listens.” is one of Bud's Law's. What do you lie about? I want to say, "nothing at all"

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-48088401604093168022011-11-30T17:03:00.001-05:002011-11-30T17:03:25.101-05:00

I've felt really "off" today.  Really sad, weepy, depressed.  I couldn't figure out why, because there didn't seem to be a good reason for it; nothing is wrong physically, my relationship with Greg is just fine, and work - while highly irritating right now - is okay, certainly not enough to make me feel like the old days.  So, what the hell? Only it IS something, mentally.  It's just something I

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-66589426984448792922011-11-26T14:04:00.001-05:002011-11-26T14:34:38.596-05:00

As everyone can see, I've yet again done some major revamping of the blog.  I'm still not all that satisfied with the look; the red background with black accents is classy-looking (and as it's a combination of my two favorite colors, it's aesthetically appealing to me, personally), but... I sort of miss the "tight" look of the old black background with the cityscape header.  I really, really

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-80239115847141316712011-11-22T21:44:00.002-05:002011-11-22T21:57:59.441-05:00

I don't know why, but I've been feeling like shit for the last couple of days. Part of it might be that I've been working a whole bunch of overtime recently (unwillingly), but... tonight was just weird. I once again felt that sense of disconnection with people, with life, and I've been crying on and off all day today. It reminds me of the old days when the depression took over. There could be

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-37602111637050862332011-11-15T22:03:00.005-05:002011-11-15T22:36:42.945-05:00

In all honesty, I'm really feeling way too tired to post anything tonight. There's been a lot going on, though, as usual. It's funny how my life's turned from a slow-motion, depression-filled drag to one that's almost warp-speed and full of action. Is it bad to say that I actually long for a bit of ... well, I guess that "calm" isn't really the word I'm looking for, but perhaps I could use "

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-30219168427787919122011-11-11T11:30:00.004-05:002011-11-11T11:56:16.212-05:00

I'm well aware that not everyone is going to agree with me on the issue that I'm about to speak of; indeed, I expect some vehement anger to come forth, actually. But if there's one thing I have learned in the last year and a half, it's that I'm not going to be silenced just because my opinion is unpopular. So, with that said, I shall now continue my original train of thought.On my Facebook feed

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-56880598130657414562011-10-28T11:59:00.004-04:002011-10-28T12:26:48.599-04:00

As always, I have little bits and pieces of thoughts throughout the week or during the periods of time where I don't write. Things that pop into my brain - "hey, yanno, I really should write about that" - only to have them disappear into the ether. What I should do is write them down as they occur to me, but even if I do (and I've tried), I usually decide that it's not really worth expounding

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-10473646474876271072011-10-24T12:03:00.003-04:002011-10-24T12:20:51.256-04:00

So Greg and I went down to Kings Dominion this weekend for an event with some of our new friend circle. I'll admit that while I had quite a blast (and him as well, I think)... I'm starting to realize that in a lot of ways, I'm starting to get old - or at least set in my ways. I just wasn't that eager to get on rides and be flipped upside down, feel G-forces making my heart race, any of that.

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-12624456773144187602011-10-17T12:55:00.001-04:002011-10-17T12:55:31.092-04:00

There are a lot of things going on inside of my cracked head today, and as usual I'm not sure of where to start first.  Do I complain about the latest irritation from my past that's gotten under my skin?  Do I talk about my grades and the start of the new online session?  (That's considerably better news, heh.)  Do I talk about other, more socially important things right now, like my opinions of

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-89821303027879929582011-10-15T23:35:00.003-04:002011-10-16T00:03:14.114-04:00

Greg and I went to the Baltimore Book Festival a couple of weekends ago, and we really didn't pick up all that much, to be honest. However, we did buy a few cookbooks - he's wonderfully supportive of my hobby of occasionally trying out recipes and learning more about how to make really good meals. One of the cookbooks that we bought - for five measly bucks, yet - was one by Cristina Ferrare.

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-10559017641438697822011-10-13T08:24:00.003-04:002011-10-13T09:24:04.864-04:00

First time I'm writing from my new phone - it feels awkward.I've had a couple of down days this week. Nothing close to what it used to be, thank Christ for that, but...bad enough, I guess. The weather has matched my general mood - grey, raining, sad. There was once a time that I would have embraced this - now I just feel sad, misty-eyed, maybe even a bit weepy.I've been going down memory lane

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-64976160863299373292011-10-10T10:55:00.005-04:002011-10-10T11:08:42.375-04:00

In the past, the first half of October would have been the time I would have, at the very least, dissolved into a depressive funk - and at the most, had an episode of the screaming meemies. You see, the first half of October, for me, is memory-laden, and not with good things. October 2: This year, it's the fifth anniversary of my divorce.October 10: My now ex-husband is 43 years old.October

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-58535847728939882712011-10-07T13:27:00.002-04:002011-10-07T13:46:33.666-04:00

Wow, things have been going batshit crazy my way recently. I guess this is the time to do a massive (if I can) update. I've actually been wanting to write for a little while now, but I've put it off because I didn't want to try to type out a long post with that stupid cast on. First of all, the hard cast on my wrist came off on Wednesday, though it's not completely healed as of yet - I still

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-15721593815009906792011-09-26T14:44:00.002-04:002011-09-26T14:48:20.978-04:00

I start this with the feeling that I want to write something, but... I don't really have a clear purpose in mind. This most likely means that it's going to be a lot of rambling about nothing, so if you don't really give a rat's ass about the inner workings of my head, it's probably best to skip this one. It's okay, really - I won't be upset about it. :pMy wrist and hand are doing a lot better,

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-69616916611954005682011-09-21T07:34:00.001-04:002011-09-21T07:35:45.714-04:00

I needed to hear this today. :) Text for those who can't see :p "Hope is what gets you out of bed in the morning when it's the day of prom and you haven't been asked. Hope pushed the caterpillar through the cocoon and what drives the salmon upstream Your breasts may be small and your glasses may be thick, but hope doesn't hold up a mirror. Hope is a horizon we head for, leaving nothing

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-85423639736178798412011-09-07T13:37:00.001-04:002011-09-07T13:37:03.087-04:00

My wrist is, unfortunately, still broken.  However, after a difficult adjustment period, I'm starting to be able to do a bit more with little to no pain.  This doesn't mean, of course, that I'm satisfied with the status quo - I'd do just about anything to be able to get dressed by myself again - but it's slowly getting better.  Today is the first day I've been able to work in nearly two weeks,

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-55661220892504047942011-08-31T14:17:00.001-04:002011-08-31T14:19:41.831-04:00

I broke my wrist last Thursday. I must now type one-handed, and quite honestly I'm in a lot of pain so this isn't going to be massive. Everything is more or less fine. No complaints. More when I feel better. How's that for pithy? :p

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-73893450880911431002011-08-20T23:12:00.005-04:002011-08-20T23:33:01.781-04:00

As everyone can see, there's a new look floating about around here. It's not as... uh, black as it used to be. I'm not sure if I'll actually keep the theme that's up now - I'm not used to all of this bright pastel shit - but it won't go back to what it was before. It's a work in progress, much like myself. I have continued to take steps toward healing. I am currently in the process of

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-2820660469295738322011-08-14T14:26:00.002-04:002011-08-14T14:41:54.893-04:00

Recently, it's been a time for anniversaries; those that have just passed, and a few that are coming up - both categories have a mix of good and bad. I've remarked upon a couple of them already, but the big one for this month is that of August 17th. So what the hell happened on August 17th? I began my current employment at the drug lab on August 17, 2008, a mere 12 days after I returned from

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-65244429090651062492011-08-08T10:50:00.001-04:002011-08-08T10:50:59.820-04:00

And what might that be, you ask with trepidation?  The land of disconnection.   I've felt kind of strange in the last 24 hours.... it's that old feeling of disconnection, of looking outside at the world from inside of my head, and wondering where my place is in all of this chaos and craziness that is society.  It doesn't necessarily mean that anything is wrong, per se - it isn't - but I'm just

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-42928378354940727762011-07-27T11:44:00.003-04:002011-07-27T12:12:26.170-04:00

Ever since I met Greg (two incredible months ago!), I've been a lot happier, which has been pretty obvious to all who know me. I've been receiving comments from all sources - personal, work, otherwise - that have told me that I'm beginning to smile again... that I seem more "alive", I guess, than I have in years. I've worked incredibly hard over the last year to get myself back onto solid

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-32443886643155305322011-07-21T10:52:00.001-04:002011-07-21T10:52:36.424-04:00

I find that I have a lot to say this morning, but I'm not quite sure how to put it, which is a rarity.  Usually, if I'm compelled to write, I have something on my mind that needs to get out into the open (practically screams it, I think, heh).  And, yes, the thoughts are jumbled up in my cracked brain - but for some reason I don't have the words to express what I'm thinking today.  You can put a

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-41219631246477440572011-07-15T15:24:00.001-04:002011-07-15T15:24:35.942-04:00

My situation has begun to settle down, though not without some rather nasty potholes in the road on the way there.  Still, after the initial excitement, I believe that I'll indeed be able to make a go of this.  I have hope, anyway, which is a far cry from how things used to be with me.  Of course, there are still moments of (rather bad) anxiety - but that's par for the course, really, and I'm

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-15034193855991263912011-07-06T00:32:00.003-04:002011-07-06T00:39:37.318-04:00

It's been a whirlwind few days here at casa Ray. I haven't really done too much other than relax, settle in with my new relationship, and simply enjoyed my days off from the drug lab - though I'll have to come in on Thursday and Friday, bleh. Still, it's a fair trade-off for all that I've received in the last couple of weeks. I've been mindlessly happy. It's sort of frightening that my life

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-54642645897424912412011-07-01T02:45:00.002-04:002011-07-01T02:48:06.301-04:00

...it's been absolutely forever since I wrote in here... but in truth, so much has happened in the last two weeks that I can't even begin to describe it all without getting my words mixed up. Suffice it to say that my entire life has changed - for the better. I wish that I could explain more, but in truth, I'm very tired and I need to sleep rather badly. As soon as I can get some more time, I

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-45193046767879745632011-06-12T11:58:00.003-04:002011-06-12T12:11:02.087-04:00

Three years old. My God, this blog is three years old. Where did the time go?It's honestly hard to believe that three years have passed since I first began this little "journal" of mine. In truth, June 12 isn't really the day I started - but it's the only date I have for reference, because I wiped out the original entries during a very deep, very dark depression. How I wish I knew what they

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-1855650069857631022011-06-10T09:43:00.001-04:002011-06-10T09:43:33.722-04:00

I haven't written for a while now, but it's partially because I've been quite busy - a good thing, in light of recent developments.  Still, things have happened this week that are, at the very best, confusing.    First of all, I received some very upsetting news yesterday that a close friend of mine (that I had met on a depression forum) has been diagnosed HIV-positive.  They are extremely

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-15543061106518690492011-05-31T13:22:00.003-04:002011-05-31T13:46:34.249-04:00

So, I received one of those "inspirational" Emails, you know... quote of the day and all of that. I'm usually not into the positive uplift crap, I'm a realistic, bitter bitch.... but today's mail offered up a challenge that I couldn't refuse. That challenge was as follows:List eight things that you like about yourself that cannot be tied to anyone else.That's really quite hard, much more so

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-63944699433900499962011-05-30T17:18:00.004-04:002011-05-30T17:37:54.859-04:00

I had been feeling better about things for the last couple of days, but I find myself turning melancholy once again. The situation last week has taken more of a toll on me than I ever dreamed... and it's frightening because I don't know that I'll ever really recover from it. Part of my therapy session this week dealt with that loss, and intense discussion about it. I had never really talked

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-38984964633058486402011-05-28T16:44:00.003-04:002011-05-28T16:53:58.859-04:00

After a very rough week, I have calmed down considerably. Although I'm still very sad over what has occurred (and to make a long story short, I've pretty much ended a tie that I've had for a very long time, ever since I moved back to Maryland)... it is time. I once read a phrase that fits this situation very nicely. And that is: people come into and out of our lives for a reason. At first, I

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-7416481913027309342011-05-26T17:21:00.000-04:002011-05-26T17:22:13.591-04:00

"Lady Lazarus"I have done it again. One year in every ten I manage it----- A sort of walking miracle, my skin Bright as a Nazi lampshade, My right foot A paperweight, My featureless, fine Jew linen. Peel off the napkin O my enemy. Do I terrify?------- The nose, the eye pits, the full set of teeth? The sour breath Will vanish in a day. Soon, soon the flesh The grave cave ate will be At home on me

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-11360301627076836982011-05-26T05:09:00.003-04:002011-05-26T05:21:17.535-04:00

Several people have written me in the last few hours due to a rather cryptic Facebook status I put up earlier yesterday that simply said "bad, bad, bad, bad day".First of all, rest assured that I'm as okay as I'm going to be. I'm not in danger, I'm not unable to function, and I'm eating, drinking, showering, living. So, no worries there. However... I'm currently dealing with a very personal,

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-91809206836627380732011-05-22T12:24:00.001-04:002011-05-22T12:24:39.501-04:00

This is the last weekend I have "off" before school starts, and in truth, I'm excited to get started again. I've been bone-idle way too long. I made a major decision over the course of the week to change my minor from forensics to women's studies - which is striking some people as "quite odd", especially since I've often said that I despise women, can't stand them, etc. In truth, I think that

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-83169978799890187322011-05-18T12:38:00.001-04:002011-05-18T12:38:35.662-04:00

While it's not been completely a "normal" week for me - I had a meltdown yesterday of near epic proportions, and right on the train coming home from work, at that - it's beginning to smooth out a little.  It helps that I'll be back in school in a couple of weeks - my classes begin on May 31, though the announcements are already up and encouraging me to get started early.  So be it.  I'm ready to

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-48838460029060415162011-05-10T12:55:00.001-04:002011-05-10T12:55:42.109-04:00

After the last few weeks where it's seemed as if everything that could go wrong has, my life has finally begun to settle down once again, which is more than assuredly welcomed at this point.  I've had more than enough so-called "excitement", trust me.    I recently revamped my online dating profile(s), though I'm not really sure of why considering that I'm not really looking for any kind of

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-30705815539692306172011-05-08T10:51:00.001-04:002011-05-08T10:52:36.604-04:00

Let me preface this post with a simple fact: my mother and I have never gotten along, nor do we get along now if we spend more than say 3 hours at a time together. I already know that if I ever have to live with her again (whether it's because of my having to take care of her, which isn't a far possibility, unfortunately or otherwise), my life would become utter misery. So, before, I'm accused of

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-90581941170744382692011-05-06T16:57:00.005-04:002011-05-06T17:24:15.875-04:00

I have to work this quarter's Saturday shift tomorrow, so I ended up with today off, which was actually a bonus for me. It allowed me to get some things done that I might not have otherwise. A lot of the mess that was in the house before the break-in has been cleared away/fixed, and as a result, my anxiety levels have plummeted. I've temporarily hung up a colorful tapestry over the damaged

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-44172726547940423352011-05-03T22:36:00.004-04:002011-05-03T22:43:36.256-04:00

The alarm system has been installed, and don't think for one second that I don't feel better about it. There's some residual fear, of course; no doubt that I'll be trying to hide my electronics for a while - but for the most part, I don't feel crawly and disgusting when I walk through my own house. Some things will be hard to deal with (I can't get over the fact that these douches had their

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-26557384885805335612011-05-02T21:47:00.003-04:002011-05-02T21:55:56.251-04:00

As most of you who keep up with my life in any way know by now, my house was broken into on Saturday night while I was out for a rare social event, and my television was stolen, along with a few choice electronic items (including the brand new computer that I'd just bought not even 30 days ago). To say that I feel violated doesn't even begin to cover it, and I've spent the last 48 hours

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-79354608088564723112011-04-29T13:56:00.002-04:002011-04-29T14:21:38.553-04:00

In one of my usual "spur of the moment" decisions, I've booked a short trip (no more than a weekend, really) to Montreal over the 4th of July holiday.  I've usually found that, most of the time, my split-second choices turn out to be the best ones that I've ever made, so here's hoping that I'll enjoy my trip up there.  It's a "mini" vacation, I guess, but it's one that I sorely need after all of

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-90876312957754914202011-04-23T19:32:00.003-04:002011-04-23T21:48:59.534-04:00

This past week has been absolutely horrendous. In the course of just 7 days, I've been feeling like utter crap, I've gained 3 pounds (putting me nearly back to the start of the year - when is this shit ever going to get better, damn it?), I've been harassed at work (I hesitate to say sexual harassment, but in truth that's exactly what it falls under) and now face the possibility of making a

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-6534884823875618712011-04-21T23:16:00.001-04:002011-04-21T23:16:54.698-04:00

If you've been following my Facebook postings (and isn't it pathetic that everyone's succumbed to social networking these days to get any kind of an update on anyone's lives - but I digress), then you know what's happened to me at work this week.  You also know how I feel about it - and believe me, the feelings aren't good.  I don't really want to get so much into that today, as it's not the

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-47190460879563196822011-04-20T09:27:00.002-04:002011-04-20T09:45:44.562-04:00

Some people that I know have been reading this ever since its inception (for which I heartily thank them, if they're still around). If you're one of them, then you are well aware of the struggles that I had and continue to have with my social life and Facebook in particular. Now, I know what a great deal of people would say to this. "Who gives a fuck about Facebook? The number of so-called

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-50572322219247072212011-04-18T11:45:00.004-04:002011-04-18T12:23:57.354-04:00

In my voracious and continuous reading of other "relationship-oriented" sites, I've found that I'm beginning to use a lot of what people are talking about - even if I don't really have a partner to apply a lot of the knowledge to. In some ways, I'm treating my self as my "partner", and what I'm learning is beginning to filter through this cracked skull of mine. This can't be a bad thing, right?

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-31072653623539470332011-04-17T23:15:00.002-04:002011-04-17T23:25:12.286-04:00

Other than getting caught in the massive rainstorm we had on Saturday, it's been rather uneventful around here at casa Ray, which is okay by me. I finally got around to finishing my taxes, though it'll be weeks before I get the money back. Unfortunately, a rather severe miscalculation has rendered my refund about a thousand dollars less than expected. It doesn't bother me, but my mother

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-69043272138925606772011-04-13T16:03:00.003-04:002011-04-13T22:22:24.849-04:00

I've made myself scarce as of late due to another few days of malaise, on-and-off crying jags, and just not feeling emotionally well in general.  It all started on Sunday morning at therapy, for some reason.  It wasn't a pronounced feeling, exactly, but... have you ever walked through the day with kind of an "off" feeling, like something wasn't right?  That's exactly how Sunday felt, and it

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-13155322471165324472011-04-08T23:28:00.004-04:002011-04-08T23:38:44.863-04:00

Despite how it may look to most readers of this lovely little tome of mine, I do contemplate on heavier social and political matters from time to time. Nowhere was that more evident than tonight; if you keep up with the news, there was a real and serious threat of a government shutdown, which of course means that my job would be directly affected. Until approximately an hour ago, I was prepared

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-64983226878055688852011-04-06T23:08:00.002-04:002011-04-06T23:10:12.614-04:00

Thankfully, things are much improved since the last time I wrote.  The pressure at work is beginning to ease, and I am getting things, if not accomplished to my satisfaction, done at the very least.  This is all that I could ask for.    Some very good financial news:  instead of paying the state of Maryland and not getting anything back at all, it looks like I'll be getting a refund of about 5

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-25850491223939238502011-04-03T02:15:00.003-04:002011-04-03T02:43:19.753-04:00

Can't sleep at the moment, so I figured I'd make a post and wait for these pain pills to kick in. Thank Christ for Excedrin PM, that's all I can say. This weekend hasn't been the best for me on either a physical or mental level, unfortunately. I ended up sleeping for most of the day today because I just... I don't know, the lethargy was overpowering and I didn't feel like battling it, to be

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-21577849890075674582011-03-31T23:02:00.003-04:002011-03-31T23:17:59.888-04:00

I am still locked in a struggle with my more negative emotions as of late. I think that it's because I've been partially re-visiting painful memories in my head, and partially because a huge amount of people have let me down this week. I haven't announced it or made a big fuss about it, but my birthday passed in the last two weeks. Although I'm well aware that I haven't said much about it (and

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-16509318531815856172011-03-27T20:25:00.004-04:002011-03-27T20:29:03.798-04:00

I have been struggling a bit for the past couple of days. However, I ran across a post on someone's blog that has made me pause for reflection - not many things can do that. The post is below. The author that is credited is Paulo Coelho, but he claims that he didn't create it. It makes no difference - the message is profound, whoever wrote it............One always has to know when a stage

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-45672075159454300072011-03-18T17:35:00.001-04:002011-03-18T17:35:54.971-04:00

There are several points during the day where I often have too much time to think.  The shower is one of them, and I believe that I've mentioned such shower ruminations in previous posts.  Another place that I often have too much time on my hands is during my morning and evening rides on the commuter train that I catch to work (though the evening commute is more of an exhausted review of how my

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-39976310537802912142011-03-17T12:59:00.001-04:002011-03-17T12:59:11.605-04:00

It seems rather odd that I'd be doing a "massive" update on a Thursday, but the truth of the matter is that the volume at work on certain days has fallen dramatically since the removal of the female offenders to the other unit.  Tuesdays are still pretty rotten, but Thursdays have actually fallen to a tolerable level, which I'm grateful for.  There are still times, of course, when I'm sick of the

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-50906266756099121662011-03-11T17:31:00.001-05:002011-03-11T17:31:30.123-05:00

This could have (and probably would have) been my usual post, whining about life and about how hard my road has been, etc., etc., ad nauseum.  But it's funny how only 12 hours can change someone's perspective on the world around them.    I'm sure that everyone has heard by now about the earthquake and tsunami over in Japan.  I'd say that an event on this scale makes any complaint that I have

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-84165049077159076252011-03-10T22:42:00.005-05:002011-03-10T22:49:21.622-05:00

The situation at work has improved over the past week, but it's been very busy as usual and I've not had much time to do anything but "take care of business", if you will. I should have more of a substantial update over the weekend, assuming that I don't just fall into bed exhausted and sleep the entire 48 hours away.I will say that I've been considering a complete overhaul of this blog, the

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-47859397841815299312011-03-04T14:53:00.002-05:002011-03-10T22:41:26.357-05:00

If you've been following my recent Facebook posts, you already know about the photograph fiasco at work.  Basically, to sum it up, someone had taken my picture at work, I asked them to stop, they continued, I got very angry and pretty much stood up for myself.  That incident has caused me a lot of headache, and a lot of tears, this past week.  But there is that small silver lining in that I

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-91669746834523912552011-02-25T18:40:00.001-05:002011-02-25T18:40:08.736-05:00

I had originally meant to start this out as a sort of "news-y": type of post, because there's certainly things that have been going on in my life, some of them not necessarily good.  Most of them are concerning that of my employment - as most of you know by now, I work for the Federal government, and as most of you also know by now, there's talk of a shutdown of said Federal government.  I was

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-33723213041202936702011-02-22T17:05:00.003-05:002011-02-22T17:09:39.091-05:00

I've been off of work for five days now, and while it's been nice, I'm really kind of eager to get back again. I've accomplished a lot around the house, but I'm growing weary of that and need some outside stimulation, even if it's just minor chit-chat with my idiotic coworkers.The truth is that I've been up and down for the past few days. Friday I felt fine. Sunday I felt fine. Saturday and

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-45053018215078070992011-02-13T19:12:00.000-05:002011-02-13T19:14:09.765-05:00

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-78975739618454775182011-02-11T16:55:00.003-05:002011-02-11T17:23:53.329-05:00

I've been busy over the last week. As I've probably mentioned a few times on my social networking accounts and elsewhere, I've received my bed, it's set up, and I've been sleeping like a fiend all week long. Ever since, though, I've been doing more around this house than I have in the last 10 months combined - probably because I really don't have any more excuses to put it off, but also because

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-46319168634741304062011-02-04T16:40:00.001-05:002011-02-04T16:40:51.568-05:00

I guess that I'm "checking in" once again, though here recently I've been wondering if anyone would really notice that I was gone, anyway.  Don't get me wrong - everything is okay.  It's just that it's not really any better than... well, "just okay".  I guess that I should be grateful that it's not worse - after all, I could be crying incessantly, having suicidal thoughts again, a whole plethora

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-3308084578680043582011-02-01T23:05:00.002-05:002011-02-01T23:07:20.286-05:00

This song has been on my mind tonight, for some reason. I will never understand in all of my days how we got from a beautiful piece of music like this to the utter desolation and crap that music is today.

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-78742208670937767682011-01-30T12:54:00.001-05:002011-01-30T12:59:47.845-05:00

I've been meaning to write a post about this topic for a while now, but as usual life got in the way. However, as of late, I've been growing a bit disgusted about the attitudes concerning this subject that have been floating around.... so, of course, you know I'm going to shoot off my big mouth about it. :pThat topic is infidelity and relationships. Stop laughing, I've been in my share of

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-29111503764267589222011-01-25T13:28:00.003-05:002011-01-25T13:46:45.263-05:00

Life rolls on as it always does. I go to work, come home, eat, sleep, feed my cat, do laundry, go to therapy - it's a long, never-ending but oddly comfortable routine. Still, I can't help but feel... well, weird. There are days, of which this is one, where I walk through life doing what I need to do, but I feel like I'm watching some fucked-up reality television program. You know what I mean?

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-43626654670730351552011-01-17T20:08:00.005-05:002011-01-17T20:12:58.775-05:00

I've had the last four days off of work, though I've not really accomplished much around here. I did finally buy a bed, though, which is a definite step forward. I didn't get the bed that I really wanted, which was a nice TempurPedic (at nearly four thousand dollars, heh) - I did some thinking, then more thinking, then realized that it was a bit too lofty for my budget and "settled" for

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-35949421325005629542011-01-11T19:15:00.001-05:002011-01-11T19:15:12.241-05:00

This has been a strange and not altogether-pleasing kind of day. I've had some slight mood swings, with the overriding feeling being one of dull apathy. I had a bad few minutes this morning because my mind got to thinking about an old situation that it maybe shouldn't have, and I think it might have colored my mood for the entire day. Right now, I'm just thinking that there's very little to

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-53000035310522765892011-01-07T10:44:00.003-05:002011-01-07T10:49:08.012-05:00

...at least on the health front, anyway. For once, it's not mental or anything connected with depression. I've had a horrible case of vertigo for the last couple of days. I went to my vision doctor today to see if it had anything to do with my glasses, but it doesn't. Which means that I either have a viral infection (possible) or high blood pressure (possible, but unlikely). If I have a

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-39161542151810815512011-01-05T21:24:00.002-05:002011-01-05T21:33:16.447-05:00

I've been horrendously busy, and I'm already experiencing consequences for it. I haven't seen my therapist for nearly three weeks now - not good. My determination to eat better and get myself into better physical shape has already been blown to bits, mainly because I'm too busy to even eat properly. I come home, have a quick sandwich, and that's literally IT for the entire day. I'm still

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-78275018231139356062011-01-02T02:35:00.003-05:002011-01-02T02:59:09.833-05:00

I won't beat around the bush with this entry - there's no point to it. Basically, I got into a rather violent confrontation with my mother this evening. What about, right? She started in again about how my brother was having monetary problems and she was sending him money, lalala. Now, I don't care that he's having money problems - aren't we all - but what I DID care about is that she just

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-41526886146474764602010-12-31T17:57:00.004-05:002010-12-31T18:54:41.032-05:00

So, here we are again; it's the annual "end of the year" post where I refuse to recap the past 12 months and insist that you go look it all up in the previous entries. :p I think that I'm going to take a different stance on things this year, though, in that for once, I have a lot of things to talk about. I've been very loquacious these past two weeks - more so than I have been in the last two

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-41120544969677015312010-12-29T20:03:00.003-05:002010-12-29T20:55:39.525-05:00

As always, most of the "good things" that happen to me may not really seem like much - but to me, it's very significant. :DThere was a time where I was very, very paranoid. I seriously thought that people were talking bad things about me behind my back, and when people removed me from "friend lists" or did something that left me out of their circle - whether deliberate or not - I became, in a

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-2450198414463259842010-12-24T13:54:00.004-05:002010-12-24T14:06:55.213-05:00

I will open this post by stating that I am sick and tired of being made to feel guilty for the choices I make, especially by my so-called family. I just got off the phone with my mother (of course - didn't you all see this coming?), who asked me what I was doing for the holiday tomorrow. Well, now, duh - I talk to her at 7:30pm every day (shades of my grandmother, sigh) and she KNOWS what's

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-69187188844511914652010-12-22T12:42:00.001-05:002010-12-22T12:42:06.698-05:00

Y'know, I get so angry with myself when I feel dejected or depressed these days.  But I tend to sometimes forget that I'm really not all that far out in my healing quite yet.  Not even three months ago, I was seriously contemplating suicide as an answer to all of my troubles.  So the fact that I haven't crumbled to pieces over the last couple of days where I haven't been feeling well, I think

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-14186081065266945592010-12-19T09:26:00.003-05:002010-12-19T10:22:22.603-05:00

I've woken up this morning feeling much better today. A good night's sleep, something that I haven't admittedly had in a while, cured me of whatever malaise I'd been feeling, and I'm now happily enjoying a hot cup of coffee and a vegetable-packed cheese omelet that I just made. It's funny, but there's always been something a little special about Sunday morning for me. Maybe it's because I know

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-70504297693748497322010-12-18T18:51:00.004-05:002010-12-18T19:02:41.286-05:00

I've not felt too upbeat or positive the last couple of days. As usual, it comes from watching other people be cheery, happy, merry, looking forward to the holiday, blah blah. The only thing that I have to look forward to is a day alone in front of the television, and I know it. Sometimes I just get so angry when I think of the things that other people are so lucky to have - family, friends,

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-3048719773823806342010-12-12T09:20:00.004-05:002010-12-12T13:53:56.577-05:00

The end of the year is fast approaching, and I've actually been ruminating over my annual "how did I do this year" post a bit early. Oh, I'm not going to do it right now, obviously. But I find it striking that I'm actually thinking about it this soon. I suspect that I'm very eager to "shut the books", if you will, and get on with this business of living for myself in '11. Some might say that

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-29297871895057780582010-12-08T21:29:00.003-05:002010-12-08T21:32:45.798-05:00

Somehow it just doesn't seem like it's been thirty years.If one were to ask me what the top three unforgettable moments of my life were (at least right now), I would say 9/11... the moment the Challenger exploded... and the death of John Lennon.December 8, 1980

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-14562496665241276602010-12-03T07:07:00.004-05:002010-12-03T07:24:36.638-05:00

The school semester is beginning to wind down, which for me is a profound relief. If there's one thing that I've learned from the past couple of months, it's not to take a biology course in tandem with a web design course. Ugh - what a pain in the ass it's been. I really don't know how well I'm going to do in either of these courses. I think I'll be all right with the biology, but the web

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-5449137376075059172010-11-30T06:50:00.004-05:002010-11-30T07:05:54.590-05:00

It's strange, but I find that when the depression was much worse than it is now, I actually had a better grip on things as far as school and work and juggling schedules were concerned. Now that I'm not feeling as badly anymore, it's all starting to crash down onto my shoulders. I have been so freaking tired lately, and I can't figure out why. My grades are definitely starting to slip - I

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-31545614822167325542010-11-25T21:03:00.003-05:002010-11-25T21:10:43.444-05:00

It seems that I can barely keep up with things these days, but that might be a good omen. As it is, I should be in bed right now, as I have to work tomorrow (instead of shopping like all of the deal-seeking morons on Black Friday) - but I've been perusing the online sales instead. (Hey... I may be a deal-seeking moron, but I have enough sense to do it online.) There's so much that I need. I

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-33052219613620542262010-11-16T06:55:00.000-05:002010-11-16T06:57:51.932-05:00

I received an announcement that yet another "friend" (and yes, I put that in quotes for a reason, mainly because this is yet another of those fair-weather friends, you know the type) is getting married. The first thing that I thought was, "You're an idiot.". The second thing I thought was, "I give it a year, tops.". God, I'm so cynical.But underneath all of the sourness, the plain truth is that

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-71000731358320996522010-11-15T06:53:00.004-05:002010-11-15T07:04:25.676-05:00

...sitting here on the train, that I've lived in a solitary, painful world for most of my life. Why is this a new revelation, you might say? Well... I guess that this whole thought process began while I was listening to my music and thinking about the events that transpired this weekend - which honestly wasn't all that much, just homework, therapy as always, and brunch with a friend on Sunday

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-86897199365238686972010-11-14T01:11:00.003-05:002010-11-14T01:25:12.072-05:00

I've been feeling kind of shit the last few days - I think that I had a mild depressive attack - but it's starting to dissipate and though I'm still tired (as is always the case afterward), things are starting to pick up again. I'm a bit excited because I'm finally starting to understand the concepts of CSS, which is great news for me. I'll finally be able to do more with this blog, if I choose

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-79436825438485104622010-11-10T06:45:00.003-05:002010-11-10T06:57:31.076-05:00

So I've been scarce recently. As always these days, things are crazy busy, but I've also really not had too much to say. Nothing's much changed, but in my life that's always a positive.I've been a bit antisocial as of late, without really knowing the reason as to why. I'm not mad at anyone, nothing's wrong, everything's peachy. I think that I'm going through a phase right now where I'm just

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-43007582581724051092010-11-03T16:47:00.000-04:002010-11-03T16:49:05.696-04:00

I've been absent for a while as far as writing in the blog is concerned, probably an obvious statement by this point, but it's been ... I don't know, I thought at one time that it was pretty clear-cut as to what's going on - I've been busy.  And it's partially because of that, yes.  But to be honest, I've been in kind of a strange mood the last couple of days.  I don't even really know how to

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121275097935393474.post-63674161046795837212010-10-24T09:16:00.007-04:002010-10-24T09:28:51.528-04:00

Not too long ago, I was complaining that everything was going too slow, that I couldn't seem to get my life moving. Now it's going too fast. I'm starting to lose control of things again, but it's not because of depression. I have increased responsibilities at work, my classes this term are very difficult, I have to make time for therapy on the weekends... and my down-time is squeezed to almost

carrie.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12421111789378300322noreply@blogger.com0